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[Links:| Portal of Evil 665 Milwaukee Area Technical College Freshmeat FAGGOT YOGA ]

NOT DEAD YET [Mar. 20th, 2007|04:58 pm]
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2007|08:54 am]
One more semester to pull, hopefully.

Starting one of my night-courses today. Besides perhaps cracking open a few books to refresh myself, I will probably be keeping a low profile.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2006|02:14 am]
Cash: not nearly as plentiful as it was over the summer. Oof. Broke at the moment.

Health: okay, I guess?

Friends: Some drama. Nothing that involves me directly, but still.

  • Client/eCommerce class: was looking bad for a while, but since the instructor is an understanding kinda guy, I'm cautiously optimistic.
  • Systems Analysis: One missing mini-case, I think? Jesus, I should do that. That said, I got 45/50 on an important assignment. nice
  • Business communications: Extremely grating. The writing assignments suck. Been getting high marks on tests, though.
  • Advanced Java: My assignments blow, and the final project is fucking terrible. I send him my proposal and he tells me that I need to specify what architecture i'm using, what grade I'm aiming for - and he says that as my proposal stands, it's unacceptable because it's a GUI-frontend based application? IT USES DATAFILES, CHRIST. I know that it needs a decent amount of complexity, but how complex does he need it? What's really scary is that if this doesn't work out, then I'm going to either A) take this again next semester or B) start over with the web-scripting route. that would extend my enrollment to fall 07. Shit.
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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2006|06:59 pm]
Do you ever think that if you wish for something hard enough, it might come true?

Yeah, it sucks. Not to mention it's pretty ridiculous.

Right now I am working roughly 25-30 hours a week. I intend on registering my classes tomorrow, and checking out MATC's payment plans and whatnot. I'm also considering getting a credit card, but am deeply afraid of landing myself in tons of debt. I would like to say that I have tons of self control, but I'm not so sure. God, maybe I'll just take another loan out? I don't know.

And don't even get me started on buying a car. UGH. Gas and car insurance would put me under so bad.
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fwd: $$$$ [Jul. 5th, 2006|11:20 am]

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hey guys what's up :3 [Jul. 4th, 2006|10:19 pm]
please be nice!!!!!!!!or i'll cut you
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Something I wanted to add: [Mar. 15th, 2006|12:54 pm]
About the "I think I believe in God now, too." thing:

I'm basically a non-practicing Catholic. I've always had problems regarding my faith; when I was very young, I really disliked going to mass because I thought it was long and boring. I was 7-10 years old, so that's the sorta prespective I had back then. When I got older, I started questioning some of the churches policies regarding abortion, homosexuality, and of course, the pedophilia scandal. I also began questioning whether or not God himself existed. I reached the point were I said "You know, I respect religion and all, but until I see some proof that some supreme being existed, I'm not holding my breath".

So, I guess I became an agnostic (or at least a mellow athiest). Sometimes when I was in a bit of a bind, I would 'pray' (not in the traditional sense; it was more like 'pleading to the divine to get my ass out of the fire'). So the last couple of weeks as I started to notice my depression resurging, I began to pray again for some way to relieve myself of my guilt. I didn't expect much.

Then came last monday. The first thing I noticed was a weird gut feeling that something was askew. Then when I saw them walk into radioshack, I somehow mustered the stregth to walk in there and do what I did. I'm still shocked that I had the balls to actually do that.

While it's probably coincidence that the sudden reappearance of my depression would be followed by a chance meeting, I can't really say I believe that 100%. I-

Oh, I don't know. I really don't know what to think of all this.
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This is what happened today. [Mar. 13th, 2006|03:33 pm]
I was at home with my brother and his friend, Matt. Bored, and with nothing else to do, we decided to walk to southridge mall. When we got there, we checked out EB games for a while, and not finding what they were looking for, they decided to go upstairs to Gamestop. So, we walked to the escalator. I saw two familiar people standing there.

It was Amy. My ex-girlfriend. My first girlfriend. The one I wrote about an entry or so ago. And Alex, her current boyfriend. They have been going out since my junior year.

I felt sick. They definitely saw me, and they knew I saw them. I rushed up the escalator along with my brother and Matt. God, the emotions.

We went to Gamestop. I told them that I wasn't feeling well and I opted to sit on the bench outside. I sat down and saw Amy and Alex walk into the Radioshack next door.

I thought to myself:
"This is your chance. Go over there and talk to them. Tell them you're sorry for what you did back then. You need to do this."

There was some hesitation. But I knew that if I didn't do this, I could never go on with my life.

I went in. They were looking at cell phones, I believe. I think a customer service representative was talking to them at the time (she was right there the whole time this took place).

I walked up to Alex and I said, "Hi". I can't remember the exact words I said (I'm a little emotional right now, so I apologize for any of the gaps in the story), but the gist of it was "Back in high school, I said a lot of bad things about you and Amy. I just want to say that I'm sorry, I know what I did was wrong, and I wish you both the best of luck in the future."

He was very amicable. Amy didn't look at me at first, but as I went on she slowly turned her head and uh, looked at me. Sorry, I'm not one for clever wordplay right now.

I shook his hand. We said our goodbyes (amy waved and said goodbye, too) and I left the store.

I can move on, now.

There's still some sadness, sure. But now I think I can truly heal now and find someone else to love and care about. But not right away. I'm going to take it easy for a while and get my shit together. I'll start dating again, nothing serious.

I know this all seems fairly inappropriate for a blog, but I figured that I need to get these feelings down right now. Oh, and I owed it to JSP for the advice he gave me. Sup Jeff.

Funny thing about all this is: the whole time this transpired, that Radioshack sales rep was standing right there. I wonder what she thought of all this.
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in a funk [Mar. 1st, 2006|09:03 pm]

maybe it's the weather or something. Or the damn pills. Probably the pills.

Finally got my acct. textbook. Read "Cat's Cradle" by Vonnegut. S'alright.

Some money problems. Won't be seeing any cash until Monday. fuck


I hope my brain gets it's shit together soon.
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Something from POE-NEWS I absolutely must share [Feb. 21st, 2006|08:51 am]
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